


Promises and Pączki

by Daggers_and_daisychains



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Do gangsters make good matchmakers?, F/M, I'm really really trying, Paczki as a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-17 06:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13653561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daggers_and_daisychains/pseuds/Daggers_and_daisychains
Summary: Sometimes when you've had a bad day you just want to eat comfort food and sometimes you just don't care even if you're buying your comfort food from a front for the polish mob, it's just that kind of day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [setepenre_set](https://archiveofourown.org/users/setepenre_set/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for Setepenre-set who writes the most achingly beautiful romances I've ever read. I feel kinda like a kid shoving a homemade comic book at Shakespeare himself but it's worth it if it makes you smile

In the industrial district of Metrocity down by the docks, there’s a restaurant hidden behind a heavy shroud of rain and distorted by a grey mist. It’s barely visible by the light of a flickering street lamp. It’s not lit up like the other restaurants, in fact, the two front windows are painted black. It’s free of advertisements, graffiti overgrown with ivy is the only thing decorating its brick walls as if it’s trying to sink into the alleyway its created with its walls. It’s old, two rusted cars sit out front with doctored license plates, its sign is missing so many letters Roxanne can’t make out what the sign used to read and in the absent spaces, birds have nested sheltering themselves from the rain.  
It could easily be mistaken as abandoned but candlelight casts a warm glow from within, deep rumbling laughter tumbles into the cold, silent street accompanied by friendly conversations in an unfamiliar language, sharp consonants in warm tones. A clash of thunder echoes throughout the empty street. Roxanne shivers and pulls her coat around her a little tighter, the door is slightly open and the scent of fried dough and cream stops her short. She pauses and stares at the building, the rain soaks through her socks, the street light flickers disapprovingly casting her visage in a mix of shadows and harsh light. She stands still inhaling the scent deeply, its tinged with the smell of cigarette smoke but it’s undeniable. A grin tugs at the edges of her pursed lips.  
Inside the restaurant is warm, her soaked heels drip onto the wooden floors and sink into the frayed carpet, there are many tables spread out across the room and it is the dinner time rush, every restaurant she’d passed before now was packed from the cheap sushi places to the bars but Roxanne is the only patron here- well not quite. She studies a table in the corner where twenty or so men gather around a single table. They’re wearing impeccably tailored suits like a uniform. They‘re all laughing arms around one another’s shoulders, tangling in each other’s hair they’d almost seem harmless but they have far too many scars snaking through eyebrows and splitting lips, there’s too many of them, their suits are too uniform.They fall silent at the sight of her, jaws dropping and cutlery falling to the table. One of the youngest gapes so much that a piece of food falls from his mouth. 

An older man, rushes out from the kitchen at the sound of the door opening, tripping over his feet to greet her.

“Hello! Welcome to the Nowicki bistro!” 

The name is slightly familiar but her train of thought is derailed as the man practically herds her across the room from the men in suits. He seems simultaneously thrilled to have a customer and terribly anxious.  
It’s not that she somehow hasn’t noticed this restaurant is a front, you don’t need to be a reporter to put two and two together here, she asks for an order of paczki and chews her bottom lip. Sure, basic observational skills will tell you this is dangerous, in a general way but Roxanne’s observational skills tell her this is a front for a drug cartel run by the polish mob and led by Lou Nowicki. Roxanne knows exactly where she is. The paczkis, the language, the name, the guns at their waistbands. She’d gone through old crime reports a while ago while working on a segment about the lowered crime rates. She knows all about Lou Nowicki, an old-fashioned gangster who had once graced many headlines and led Metro City’s police force on reckless car chases across the city. But that was before Megamind.

“Here you are, Miss. Ritchi!” The older man says, presenting her a plate of paczki grandly

Roxanne lets her teeth sink into the sugared fried dough, savoring the cream that spills onto her tongue. This is reckless even for her, but the paczki is so close to perfect and when she closes her eyes she can almost taste the one Minion had made.  
The kidnapping had run late that day, Megamind knelt over the machine his forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows drawn low over expressive eyes burning with frustration as they focused on the machine in front of him with such an intensity- there had been a smudge of grease on his cheek and she’d been struck with the impulse to stroke her thumb across it. She’d made a pun to see if she could make him smile, make those iridescent green eyes focus on her and he’d laughed. Not the theatrical villainous laugh he gave the cameras- but the startled bright, beautiful sort of laughter that escaped his lips unwillingly the edges of his lips curling up in shy startled pleasure, his eyes widening and turning on her sparkling with amusement- the sound had gone to her head like champagne.  
She’d grinned challengingly and by the time Minion had come in to coax him into eating something they were engaged in a battle of puns. He cracked a particularly awful joke and she’d thrown her head back, laughing like a little kid. When she got herself under control she caught Megamind staring at her, eyes wide, lips slightly parted, lavender staining his cheeks and pink staining the tips of his ears. He blushes like a sunset, colors burning and bleeding together against his blue sky skin with cosmic grace.

“I made Paczkis!” Minion had said and they’d both startled to attention their eyes snapping guiltily away from each other. 

Megamind grinned, sudden and far too genuine and sweet 

“They smell amazing, minion” 

She really should have complimented Minion as well, but she was preoccupied with the affectionate curve of Megamind’s smile, the racing of her heart-

He’d put up a little bit of a fight about eating but she could see his resolve weakening when facing down Minion’s smile so bright and earnest with a touch of pride. Minion had made her plate too of course. He and Megamind had debated briefly about untying her hands, 

“If you’re going to make such a big deal about it you could always feed me” she’d teased, parting her lips slightly as if she expected him to hand feed her a pastry.

“I- uh”

“This is the part where you say, ‘say Ah’” Roxanne had said wickedly 

He’d flushed a deep tantalizing shade of lavender and his mouth had worked a few moments. 

She’d laughed “So sorry to offend your Victorian sensibilities” she schooled her expression into one of scandalized virtue “that would be so very improper” 

Megamind had complained, threatening her and arguing but his hands had shaken slightly as he re-tied her hands with a larger range of motion. his gloved hands withdrew from where they’d brushed hers as if she’d burned him.  
He’d quickly launched into an explanation about the death trap malfunction after that, still slightly pink, talking with his hands, a wrench in one hand and a paczki in the other. One of the brainbots had floated in skittishly, trying to steal his wrench. She could tell it was new by the nervous way it avoided her chair and the way it never got too far from Megamind. She was pretty sure all of the brainbots had canine brain tissue, but this one- this was slightly bigger, familiar somehow.  
She’d been the one to report on the fire at the animal shelter three weeks ago the one Wayne had accidentally caused with his laser vision when he’d been careless in a battle. She’d seen the drawn worried faces of the vets who told the cameras while most of the animals had survived it was too late for the abused rottweiler which had been dropped off recently. Mangy, defensive and afraid most hadn’t considered it much of a loss. She remembered the picture she’d been shown the way the rottweiler cocked his head watching the camera warily and it hadn’t been too late had it? Not for a genius who could give the doomed animal a new body, enhanced intelligence, and hope for a new life. She’d whistled for it searching her memory for the dog’s name 

“Here, Titus” she’d called sweetly, her eyes fixed on Megamind 

Titus had flown to her excitedly barking mechanically and shaking with joy, the clear dome upon his head crackling with electricity within mirroring the firing of synapses. Megamind looked at her with a heart-stopping blend of surprise and awe in his expression and God she’s memorized that expression the curve of his lips the look in his eyes it doesn’t mean- it’s not that he’s into her she tells herself firmly she’s not going to let herself hope- not going to lend any more credence to this thing she has for him. But to have Megamind with his superhuman brilliance look at her like that.  
Really how was she supposed to resist when she smelled the same dish the one she’d been chasing for a month now, she’d scoured the internet for recipes and tried and failed to replicate it over and over again. Eventually, she’d just started visiting all the restaurants that sell paczki in Metro city, when her apartment seemed too big and too quiet and she couldn’t get the sound of his laughter out of her mind she’d go out to eat. It’s just a really good dish ok, she thinks defensively, that’s why it’s her new comfort food that’s why she’d followed the scent to this front.  
It’s not as sweet as minion’s she suspects Megamind eats things with a lot more sugar than the average person which is kind of adorable. It’s not as good but when she takes a bite and closes her eyes she can see Megamind’s face, his cheeks burning lavender, his lips parted and his captivating eyes wide and shining with admiration, worth it, she thinks as she takes another bite  
She smiles brightly at the suited men who are staring at her they can pry this paczki from her cold dead hands. She’s never actively challenged criminals before well except Megamind, but she has the feeling being Metroman’s “girlfriend” will keep her safe from most things. Once a mugger apologized and gave her back her purse when he’d caught sight of her face.  
Their murmuring in Polish gets faster and more heated, she hears her name among the foreign syllables her smile does not falter she takes another bite possibly bigger than necessary her teeth snapping and her eyes sharp as she fixes them on the men in suits That last stubborn bit of common sense that’s in the back of her mind screaming at her for her stupidity and recklessness is silenced by sugar and cream and the memory of awe shining in Megamind’s eyes like sunlight.  
Across the room, the men are arguing in polish.

“Why hasn’t she left?” One asks incredulously “She has to know where she is.”

“Of course she knows, she’s Roxanne Ritchi!” An older man with a split lip points out 

“We can just threaten her and she’ll leave” the newest member suggests, the others stare at him.

“That’s Roxanne Ritchi” The older man repeats slower

The newest member shrugs “And?”

“Dumbass” a voice rasps into his ear, the boy nearly jumps out of his skin and the men all snap to attention as Lou Nowicki, himself steps from behind him 

“Carl,” the man with the split lip steps forward

“Call the kid, tell him I want him to talk about those drug purity rules and he’s gotta try the paczki and tell me if I’ve got the recipe right this time.” Carl grins 

“Bruce,” another man steps forward “Keep him in the kitchen till I can get her to talk about him.” Bruce nods, grinning as wide as Carl.

Their smiles are contagious as the others catch on 

“Are we really gonna-”

“Is today the day-”

“About damn time!”

The gangsters are practically giddy, talking over each other and sneaking excited glances at Roxanne Ritchi’s table. Someone starts taking bets. Lou shushes them and rolls his eyes but his smile can’t be suppressed and there’s a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Ay, Phillip bring the lady our finest wine! That girl will be my in-law yet!”

In the lair Megamind stares at the paczki in his hand he’s not sure when he’d started sketching the blueprints with it instead of a pen, but he really wishes it was something else, anything else. The scent of fried dough and cream, Roxanne throwing her head back laughing exposing the graceful line of her throat, her eyes shining with amusement her hands brushing against his as he re-tied her -he can still feel the ghost of her touch, can still hear her laughter- Oh god her laughter! Lightning shooting up his spine, setting every nerve aflame he’d drowned in the sound of it, breathless, in far too deep. Self-preservation told him to run right then and there but it was too late from the moment he’d met her he’d been falling, drowning he certainly wasn’t going to look for the shore now.  
He throws the paczki down and rubs at his eyes this isn’t working. She’s always on his mind, memories haunting him, taunting him but today it’s especially hard to ignore. The fascinating curve of her lips, the tightening of her brows as she watched Titus, of course, she’d figured it out. She’s far too bright, filling the lair with light, piercing his heart with her solar flare smile. 

His watch vibrates and he absently answers it “Ollo” he mutters 

“Blue, your Uncle wants ya ” Carl drawls

Megamind rubs the bridge of his nose warding off a headache “Is this about the drug purity rules? I’ve told him a hundred times dead customers aren’t repeat customers! This is a simple concept!”

“He’s got a point, kid you do kinda turn crime into a public service” You have no idea, Megamind thinks 

“You would do well to mind your tongue, Carl,” he says “you wouldn’t want to lose it”

“Blue-” Megamind can almost hear him roll his eyes 

“You may call me Overlord. I will be there shortly-try to learn some respect before I arrive.”

“Sir? Was that Uncle Lou?” Minion calls from the kitchen

“Yes, he wants to go over the drug purity rules again” Megamind tiredly pulls his cape over his shoulders

Minion peers into the room with wide worried eyes “You don’t think-”

“We don’t need to prepare for a coup just yet-” Megamind sighs, “I think he just wants to talk” He peers at a monitor, rain covers his city, February had blown in on the tails of January just as cold and unforgiving.  
Normally he’d be working on the annual Valentine’s day plot but his blueprints keep coming out wrong, ruler-straight lines curving into the shape of her lips, the sweep of her eyelashes, portraits drawn in cream and pencil are crumpled and torn thrown in the garbage.  
He’s almost itching for a coup, something, anything to distract him from the yearning of his desperate, stupid heart. He tucks the De-gun into his holster and slides onto the hoverbike. Minion calls out a reminder to get dinner and he nods distractedly before launching into the rainy skies.

This is weird, Roxanne thinks, even by her standards. 

“And then the rabbi says-” A middle-aged man with a missing finger is pouring her their best wine and recounting his best jokes through bursts of raucous laughter. 

Roxanne doesn’t drink the wine and studies the man’s face, the distinctive scar splitting his greying eyebrows the scar tissue that mars his left cheek, red and angry. Randy Klemens, she thinks, convicted of arson, he’d been Lou’s weapons dealer- 

“Have some more!”

The cook, an elderly man with a gap between his teeth that he whistles through when he laughs, piles more warm paczkis on her plate. Roxanne runs through the crime reports in her head the names and the mugshots. The missing teeth, the conspicuous snake tattoo curling up his arm. He’s Dominik Ptak.

“You’re too thin!” he chides, prompting her to take another with a wink that would make sense for a favorite uncle slipping his niece another sweet. But on a grizzled gangster who she knows has a confirmed kill count of twelve? It's out of place.  
Is this some form of bribery? She feels like she’s stumbled into a family reunion and has been mistaken for their favorite cousin. If they’re worried about her exposing their front they really shouldn't be. At this point, she just wants to eat her paczki and leave.  
The youngest member- practically a boy stares at her with wide eyes from across the room. He drifts closer every time she looks away to take a bite of her paczki. When she looks up again he’s hovering by the edge of her table, his suit is a little big on him, the fabric pooling around his ankles and dwarfing his wrists. His face is padded with baby fat and there’s a sprinkling of freckles across his nose. She has absolutely no idea who he is really she’s surprised she’d recognized the few people she has, she did one segment on lowered crime rates she’s not exactly an expert.

He runs a hand through his hair nervously and chews on his bottom lip before blurting out “Didja really yell at Metroman?”

“When?” Roxanne asks, her arguing with Wayne isn’t exactly a rare event 

“When you just met him! He set the Overlord on fire-“

“You call Megamind ‘Overlord’?” 

“He could have sent you to the ends of the Earth with a flick! And you yelled at him, you got him to back down!” The boy can’t be much older than eighteen and he looks at her with the sort of awe the city looks at Wayne with.

“What?” Roxanne flushes deeply, dropping her Paczki to turn her full attention to him. Who has this kid been talking to? She’s seen people react like this to Wayne, but she’s only ever asked about what it’s like to be Metro man’s girlfriend.  
“What kind of cologne does he use?” “Hey Roxy, what’s he like in the sack?” How the hell should she know? On the rare occasions she spends time with Wayne outside of kidnappings they eat cheap pizza and complain about questions like this.  
Sure she attends the occasional charity gala with him but they rarely do more than small talk there as she gets the chance to interview public figures she’d otherwise have to wait months to speak to and in return, he doesn’t have to tell anyone why he hasn’t met some nice young lady yet.  
She’s not even sure they’re really friends. Being introduced as Metro man’s girlfriend, the endless leading questions the knowing smiles coat the back of her throat in bile.

“What’s it feel like?” The boy asks

“What’s what feel like?” Roxanne asks, the bright unexpected pleasure already hardening into disappointment that settles hard in her stomach. 

“What’s it feel like to be the only person who can outsmart Megamind” 

Roxanne’s eyes snap to his and her gaze is sharp, he takes a step back but it’s useless she rises from her chair just a bit taller than him in her heels. Tall enough that she’s looking down at him. He’s faced down the barrel of a gun before and this is an oddly similar feeling.  
Roxanne steps closer and her eyes- when he was younger he’d almost drown a wave cresting over his head crashing down on him a sense of helplessness and blue, dark endless blue. Her eyes are the color of drowning. 

“Is this some kind of joke?” Roxanne steps forward and despite himself, he takes another skittish step backward.

“Do you think I don’t know where I am, who you are?”

“Miss. Ritchi I’m sure Tony-“ Dominik says 

“I don’t like being mocked, Dominik” she snaps, “Just as I assume you don’t like thinking about those outstanding warrants”

Dominik’s eyes widen and he flinches like she’s slapped him. 

Randy laughs nervously “She’s got your number, Dominik”

Roxanne turns her searing gaze on him “Right like you have nothing to worry about, Klemens”

Randy’s laughter takes on a panicked edge before tapering off into a heavy silence. The three collectively take a step backward as Roxanne stalks forward her gaze shifting between them, her lips pursed into a tight thin line. This is the woman who goes head to head with an alien with godlike strength and an alien with superhuman brilliance, the woman who has captured the eyes of Metro city and the affection of the city’s superhero and supervillain. This is Roxanne Goddamn Ritchi and they’ve just angered her.  
Laughter comes from behind them, low and rumbling, punctuating the sound of rain against the roof, like thunder.

“Blue was right, you’re brilliant”

Roxanne spins on her heels and finds herself facing Lou Nowicki, there are a hundred practical questions she could ask him.

“Megamind said that?” She asks, her tone carefully neutral 

“He’s said a lot of things” he gestures at the chair opposite hers in askance 

Roxanne nods and Lou waves a hand at the men and they leave only one man remains standing by his side like a sentry at his post, besides his him it’s just her, Lou and the storm. With a few leading questions, he unravels Megamind’s history before her.


	2. Chapter 2

First, he gives her his memories of an infant from beyond the stars, scared, alone and far, far too smart. A toddler devouring every book he could get his hands on and creating with what he’d learned, bits of metal and wire becoming miracles beneath his tiny hands. It hadn’t been long before they came for him, men in suits trying to prove he wasn’t sentient- an animal they could claim. They’d won, but he’d lost a chance at a normal childhood he’d grow up in a prison.  
He grew into a little boy practically bleeding a need for acceptance, heading off to school with big bright eyes his heart on his sleeve. He’d come home tears spilling from the corners of his eyes, small shoulders heaving he masked his sobs with melodramatic laughter and there was a bitter twist to his smile as he promised if he was evil, he’d be the best bad guy there was.  
He’s describing a teenage Megamind- all black leather and spikes, recklessly throwing himself into fights as if he was deliberately flirting with death- when a man comes up behind him and whispers something in his ear in polish whatever it is it makes him grin. Roxanne who was rapt, tears gathering in her eyes and her hands curled into fists, her mind whirring with plans takes a moment to compose herself. She sips her wine and averts her eyes.

“You feel safe enough to drink our wine, Miss. Ritchi?” Lou Nowaski challenges

Roxanne lifts her chin “You trust me, a well-known reporter, enough to tell me your nephew’s history”

He laughs “Maybe I’m setting him up to fail, maybe I think you can be useful in his downfall.”

Roxanne does not spit out her wine nor does she throw a paczki at his head but she imagines doing so very vividly.

“Why the hell do you think I would help you hurt him!” she snarls

“Maybe you aren’t afraid of alligator pits and overdramatic monologues but, I’m not a supervillain I’m a man with a lack of morals and a gun.”

Roxanne laughs, cold and sharp. “You think you’re stronger than him, you think you can intimidate me when Megamind, the criminal genius, and master of villainy couldn’t?”

“He’s ridiculous” Lou accuses, his voice rising

“He’s brilliant!” Roxanne says even louder “Megamind is absolutely mind-blowingly brilliant! You think you can even hope to step into his shadow? With what? A gun, some henchmen? He’s manipulated the weather, he’s mastered flight, he’s created a sentient robotic army capable of loyalty and understanding complex orders! Don’t even get me started on the science behind the giant robots!”

Lou’s smile does not falter in the face of her rage in fact it grows. Roxanne schools her expression from rage into amused disdain and takes a sip of her wine her eyes burning into him.

“The word you are looking for isn’t ridiculous,” she says, her voice arch “The word you’re looking for is good, better than you.”

Lou is beaming now “So you won’t help me humiliate Megamind?”

Roxanne leans across the table her hands close around his tie and she half drags him across the table “Fucking try it” she dares “Go ahead and attempt to use this information for anything other than giving him a better life, we’ll see what happens.”

Lou Nowaski beams at her so wide she can see his gold-plated molars. “Perfect,” he says

“What” Roxanne snaps, her hands tightening around his tie, her eyes smoldering

“You, Roxanne Ritchi have our approval”

Roxanne drops his tie and leans back in bewilderment, “Your what?”

“You’ve proved yourself, you can marry our boy and be welco-”

The kitchen door is kicked open and Megamind stands in the entryway, half a paczki in his mouth, raspberry filling coating his lips and staining his cheek his eyes are wide with mortification, fear, his face burning brighter than she’s ever seen it burn before. He gapes at them like a fish out of water.

Roxanne isn’t exactly sure what’s happening and she can feel the heat rising in her cheeks, oh God how much had Megamind heard? This is bad, this is really bad this is the worst possible thing. But! She can never pass up a chance to tease him.

She gives him a sweet smile and keeps her voice casual “Oh hey, Megamind your uncle was just giving me your family’s blessing”

Megamind strings some monosyllables together in what she assumes is an attempt to speak  
“I- gah- blessing? No- ngggh! I- uh listen- the-”

Normally he blushes when she teases him, but now his face is devoid of color pale and stricken he looks panicked his fingers twist anxiously in the edges of his cape and one hand closes around his holster his eyes dart from her face to the windows as if he might throw himself out one, fortunately, they’re in a one-story building

“Promise you’ll take care of our boy?” Lou asks completely ignoring Megamind and meeting her eyes

“I-”

A flash of light streaks across the room and where Lou Nowosci stood there’s a small blue cube. Lou Nowosci’s bodyguard gives Megamind a disapproving glare. Roxanne looks from it to Megamind, one eyebrow quirked as she waits for an explanation.

He makes a soft strangled sort of noise and he won’t meet her eyes, his shoulders are hunched defensively and one hand is still holding the de-gun.

“Megamind?” Roxanne tilts her head, the amusement in her eyes melting into concern

“What are you doing here? How did you- why would you?”

Roxanne raises a paczki in answer and gives him a small smile “They have the best paczki in all of Metro City”

“Puh- paczki” He repeats as if he can’t fathom the meaning of the word

Roxanne scoops up the glowing blue cube that is Lou Nowosci and arches an eyebrow

Megamind makes a face

“You just dehydrated your uncle” She points out, passing the cube to his bodyguard

“He tried to kill me once,” Megamind says defensively

“I know” Roxanne replies “but you were on good terms now, really good terms, in fact, I believe you were helping him plan a vacation” the way Roxanne says vacation, emphasized and knowing makes Megamind go still. How could she possibly know his plan to help Uncle Lou fake his death? No one knew that.

He makes a hissing sibilant sort of noise under his breath that sends shivers down her spine “Sssssyx-shssss alte-Ssshssss.” a language from the depths of the cosmos, a language only two people on the planet know.

Roxanne stares at him, her mind processing the tone of his voice, searching for context, her gaze searches his face like a Rosetta Stone.

Panic overtakes his features “How do you know- how much did he- why would you?”

“We ate some paczki and had a glass of wine together” Roxanne grins “it was very enlightening”

“I- nghh” Megamind’s eyes flick around the room, wide and desperate he looks hunted. His gaze settles on the de-gun in his hand. Roxanne is moving before the flash of light blinds her and when he falls to the ground as a little blue cube she’s there cradling him in the palm of her hand.  
She half expects Lou’s bodyguards to take him from her but the first one just smiles at her warmly “Be good to him” he grunts before stepping out into the rain to rehydrate his boss.

“Wait” the other bodyguard emerges from the kitchen with a shit-eating grin and a bottle of wine “Have a good night, Miss. Ritchi” he says, offering her the bottle “be careful out there in the rain.”

Roxanne smiles, feeling almost giddy as she accepts the wine and tucks him protectively into her inner coat pocket “Thank you!”

She does not stop thinking from the moment she steps foot outside the little brick building her whirlwind of emotions coalesces into frantic thoughts into careful observations. The rain pours steadily around her and she finds herself rubbing her thumb in comforting circles against the little blue cube that’s nestled protectively within her coat as she thinks.  
Roxanne is a reporter she studies the facts, turns the puzzle pieces around in her mind until they fit together. She examines the image they create and displays it to the public from the angle that works best. The panicked look on Megamind’s face when his Uncle gave her his blessing as if his nightmares were coming to life before him. As if one of his closest held secrets had been revealed. The awe in his eyes when she figures something out, the fond, almost reverent tone he used in his soft sibilant whisper. His eyes going from her throat to her lips, to her eyes with something like longing burning in their depths. God, she hopes she’s reading this right. She runs through the rain, past the bars and the sushi places, past sleepy slums, and busy traffic. She runs and she runs, her legs burning her shoes soaked but a giddy grin on her face. Her stomach twists anxiety, excitement, joy, fear, giddiness tangled up within her. That’s alright, her stomach can tangle itself into knots and her heart can stay lodged in her throat beating far too fast as long as it likes because she has a plan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!

Megamind bursts into reanimation in a tangle of flailing limbs he hasn’t been rehydrated on the front steps of Nowoski’s bistro in the cold rain, he’s not been rehydrated in tap water from the lair and they haven’t thrown him in a mud puddle in some alley. So where is he?  
The first sensation he recognizes is water. Not cold rainwater splashed at him or tap water being thrown at him. Warm water like bathwater being trickled over him. What? Even Minion would just put him out in the rain and Minion is the only one who’s ever gentle with him. Who-

“Welcome back,” Roxanne says, sweetly 

Panic shoots through his body and the slow dawning horror hits him like a runaway train. He’s gasping for breath, hand settling around the de-gun, shooting out of the chair, body straightening into a defensive stance- where’s Metroman- what’s- oh god- oh god- what is- 

His mouth works for a moment, “What is- where I- wha- they- they let you take me?” 

Roxanne smiles, sudden and brilliant and he trips over his own feet and sprawls hard onto the kitchen tile his stupid, stupid heart decides to take up residence in his throat, fluttering frantically like it wants to burst from his chest and launch itself into her perfect hands. The very instant that I saw you did my heart fly to your service, there resides, he thinks, transfixed by her smile 

“They didn’t just let me take you they gave me their blessing and a bottle of their finest wine” 

Their blessing, their blessing! Fuck him, fuck him in the depths of fucking hell- what have they done - she knows, she knows everything- she- Okay, okay he has to breathe he can’t- cant have a panic attack not here, not in front of her. Think rationally for once in your fucking life, what happened before you panicked like an idiot and humiliated yourself in front of her again?  
He’d showed up at Lou’s front and came in through the kitchen door prepared for a heated negotiation but it was just Bruce munching on a paczki. “Hey, Blue” he’d said around a mouthful, powdered sugar coating his mouth

“Bruce? Where’s Uncle Lou?”

Bruce had given him a one-shouldered shrug “He’ll be here in a sec, try a paczki we tried to make it like minion does this time.”

Megamind had sighed and accepted one, he was pretty sure the universe was taunting him. 

Then Carl had come in and beamed at the sight of him before spinning on his heel and leaving just as quickly as he’d come. 

“What was that about” he’d asked

Bruce had shrugged again “I don’t know, hey what are you doing for the Valentine’s plot this year?”

He’d made small talk with Bruce while impatiently eating a paczki when he heard Roxanne’s voice

“Why the hell do you think I would help you hurt him!” she’d snarled and his mind whirled.

Why was she here? Who was she talking to? Was someone trying to threaten her into giving away Metro man’s weakness? He turned, hand on the de-gun ready to burst in there when Bruce has put his hand on his shoulder 

“Maybe you aren’t afraid of alligator pits and overdramatic monologues but, I’m not a supervillain I’m a man with a lack of morals and a gun.”  
it was Uncle Lou, Uncle Lou was threatening Roxanne before he could burst in to rip the man’s tongue out Roxanne laughed, cold and sharp. 

“You think you’re stronger than him, you think you can intimidate me when Megamind, the criminal genius, and master of villainy couldn’t?”

“He’s ridiculous” Lou accused, his voice rising

“He’s brilliant!” Roxanne said even louder Megamind was paralyzed, his grip on the kitchen counter was the only thing keeping him upright. He can remember her words, her tone perfectly and the memory stops his heart. 

“Megamind is absolutely mind-blowingly brilliant! You think you can even hope to step into his shadow? With what? A gun, some henchmen? He’s manipulated the weather, he’s mastered flight, he’s created a sentient robotic army capable of loyalty and understanding complex orders! Don’t even get me started on the science behind the giant robots! The word you are looking for isn’t ridiculous,” she said, her voice arch “The word you’re looking for is good, better than you.”

“So you won’t help me humiliate Megamind?”  
Megamind should have been paying attention should have been trying to figure out why Uncle Lou would want to humiliate him, but- Megamind is absolutely mind-blowingly brilliant- good, better than you- she- 

“Fucking try it” Roxanne had cried in a voice like ice “Go ahead and attempt to use this information for anything other than giving him a better life, we’ll see what happens.”

She- she was protecting him- she thought he was brilliant she thought he was good- 

“Perfect,” Uncle Lou had said 

“What” Roxanne had replied echoing his thoughts 

“You, Roxanne Ritchi have our approval” he’d explained 

Megamind’s whole body had filled with all-consuming panic- their approval fuck - marry our boy and be welcome what kind of sick fucking joke! This was a bad idea the worst idea why did he make himself relive this now he’s even more panicked and he’s here in front of Roxanne who knows- she has to know and- He hears himself make an inhuman noise and he bites down his lip hard. He wrings his fingers in the hem of his cape and searches his environment an escape route he needs- he’s-  
He’s in Roxanne kitchen laying on the tile and above him is her kitchen table, draped in a red tablecloth a single candle flickering in the center. The table is set for two, two plates piled with warm spaghetti, two sets of cutlery, two wine glasses as if for a date. Right, a date for her and Metroman, that’s what he’s looking at- his stomach twists horribly and its suddenly very hard to swallow Why- why is he here? She hasn’t given him to the police yet? Is she going to give him to Metroman like some kind of gift, look what I caught for you, darling- oh god, oh god, oh god

“Megamind” 

He looks up anxiously from where he’s curled up on her kitchen floor breathing fast, she sits down next to him. “Are you okay?

“Am I-? Why am I here, Miss. Ritchi I don’t understand, you didn’t turn me into the police?” 

Roxanne laughs and really the universe is conspiring against him with her sitting so close her leg brushing his he can feel her laughing, hear it so close. She turns to look at him and she’s wearing dramatic eyeliner makes her eyes look like they’re burning, blue flame, brilliant and ethereal, sunlight burning on the crashing waves of a merciless, endless sea, beauty and brutality. Her lips are painted bright scarlet and he has a great deal of difficulty tearing his eyes from them. She’s changed from what she wearing at the front, her long graceful legs folded beneath her and clad in black lace stockings and black boots that come up to her mid thighs. Her neck and shoulders are bare rising from the bodice of a blue dress unadorned- she’s so- she’s everything- the galaxy was formed in all its infinite beauty and wonder so that she could exist and outshine it all-

“What kind of wife would I be if I turned you into the police?” she says

Megamind stops thinking, stops breathing, he’s certain the entire planet has crashed to a stop mid orbit because did she just say “W- wife?” 

Roxanne laughs again “Well yeah, your uncle gave me his blessing, remember?” She pulls herself to her feet and offers him her hand “You want some dinner? I made spaghetti I wouldn’t want your Uncle thinking I’m not taking good care of you”

Megamind reaches up to take her hand, expecting her to pull it away for her laughter to turn cruel, this is a trap, Metro man’s going to come in any second- she doesn’t pull her hand away his skin is against hers, she threads her fingers through his and it doesn’t matter if Metro man comes in and breaks every bone in his body because Roxanne Ritchi is holding his hand. She pulls him to his feet and leads him to the chair opposite hers.

“You want me to eat with you?” he asks, trying to give her as much opportunity as he can to back out of this to realize what she’s doing, who’s she’s invited into her home, his mind is screaming at him to take anything he can get everything he get, cherish every second you get with her burn it into your memory but he can’t take advantage of her kindness.

“Well yeah, I didn’t go through all the trouble of making this and setting it up so you could look at it” She- she made this for him? She rolls her eyes and lets go of his hand to sit across from him and his stupid, desperate heart aches at the loss of contact. 

She settles in her seat and reaches across the table taking his hand again, casually as if this is something they always do as if he isn’t witnessing a miracle. “So I have some questions,” she says

“Questions” he repeats, his heart constricting 

“Do you really want to be a supervillain?” 

Megamind’s jaw drops “What?”

“I talked to your uncle and it kinda seems like you went through trauma after trauma and were forced into this- do you want to live like this? Are you happy, Megamind?”

Megamind’s eyes go dull, his mouth straightens into a tight thin line “Why are you doing this?” he whispers, forcing the words out like his throat is full of broken glass “This isn’t funny. Please, Miss. Ritchi don’t pretend to like me- don’t hold my hand- don’t ask me if I’m really happy- I- it’s cruel”

Roxanne tightens her hand in his and leans forward until their noses are brushing “I’m not pretending” she says fiercely, her eyes burning into his 

Megamind looks panicked, pained “Don’t do this, don’t lie to me it’s not funny- this isn’t- I don’t care what your boyfriend said it’s not I can’t-”

“Boyfriend?” Roxanne laughs “What boyfriend? Wayne? Come on, Megamind you don’t really think he’s my boyfriend, do you? 

Megamind gapes at her “Really? You were the one who made a sarcastic comment about him being my ‘beau’ in the first place, remember?” she wrinkles her nose and attempts to glare at him but looks far too fond, “You’re the reason everyone started calling us a couple I just got tired of correcting everyone, come on I complain about it all the time.”

Megamind looks as if she’s taken a machete to his last ties to reality “Really, Wayne?” she asks, her mouth twisting like she bit into a lemon “I mean he’s nice enough but come on”

Megamind takes a moment to compose himself “Even if you aren’t in this with Metro-mahn and this is just some kind of pity or a joke-”

She bumps her nose against his and he stutters into silence. 

“I’m not joking, this isn’t a trick or pity- I love you, Megamind I have always loved you and you don’t have to like me like that- I mean I kinda hoped- when your uncle said… and the way you reacted but it doesn’t matter because no matter how you feel about me no matter what I want you to be happy. I want to help make you happy.” she pulls her hand from his and moves back, heat blooming in her cheeks, her eyes downcast 

“Sorry” she mutters 

Megamind puts his hand tentatively on hers, a heartbreakingly fragile look of hope shining in his expression “You love me?” 

“More than anything” 

He leans across the table and brushes his lips across hers, he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing but Roxanne Goddamn Ritchi has just told him she loves him and she thinks he doesn’t love her back how could he not? He has to show her - has to express- he tries to pour every ounce of adoration, of longing into a simple kiss he only pulls away when his brain screams for oxygen.

“I love you too, I love you so much I can’t breathe- I’ve always loved you! I-” she strokes his cheek, her fingers tenderly tracing his skin like he’s something precious and she presses her lips to his desperately, her hand curling around his neck, her thumb rubbing maddening circles against his skin when she pulls away he can’t help but helplessly lean forward caught in her gravity. 

“Yes” he breathes

She makes a soft sound of inquiry, her eyebrows lowering as she makes that fascinating expression she wears when she’s trying to understand something.

“I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been” she kisses again at that laughing against his lips and he smiles, finally, truly, happy.


End file.
